How I (Not So Much) Defended the Honor of Pro Wrestling

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Growing up, I absolutely hated it when people said that wrestling is fake. Now, I knew damn well that what happened in the ring wasn’t actual combat. However, the word “fake” belittles the talent and dismisses the hard work that it takes for wrestlers to perform in the ring. So, I categorically denied wrestling’s predetermined nature. I didn’t know how else to defend the business as a kid but eventually came up with a ridiculous way do to so… Street Fighter. 

Street Fighter II: Turbo is one of the most renowned editions of the popular video game franchise due to its faster-playing speed as compared to previous versions of the game.

There are 12 fighters from around the globe to choose from and each has their own discipline of fighting. Zangief, a seven-foot-tall, 400 pounds, WWE wellness policy violation of Russian destruction is one of the fighters. And his official fighting style is, you guessed it, American Pro Wrestling.

Zangief was also the worst character to choose. Unlike most of his fellow combatants he has no special powers, moves as slow as molasses, can’t kick worth a damn, and fighting in close is the only option in order to use his special move, a spinning piledriver. I mean, come on…even the sumo wrestler can throw a fireball.

Trapped in a sea of real and fictional disciplines that are flashy and super fun to control, sports entertainment wrestling languished in the mid-card. This was unacceptable because to me, Zangief being the worst character in the game meant that pro wrestling sucks because it’s fake.

It totally makes sense, right?

There was only one way to rectify this and restore pro wrestling’s honor. I had to beat the game with Zangief. After at least 24 attempts, I landed that pathetic leg kick to finally end M. Bison’s reign of terror. I WON! I was happier than President Gorbachev czardas dancing in celebration.zangief-street-fighter-endingPlease don’t ask me how I came to this highly logical conclusion, but it made sense at the time. Don’t judge!

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