The Plague of Unauthorized Wrestling Albums

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I come from a very musically-inclined family, however, the maker left me out of that equation, which I’ve come to terms with. Besides, being an enthusiast of this cultural medium is more my speed anyways. There are days where I enjoy nothing more than to power up my stereo, throw on the headphones and lose myself to the sweet melodies of some good music. The one thing that can send all of that to a screeching halt is to expect something amazing, only to get something awful in return. 

Growing up, wrestling entrance music was a particular favorite of mine whether I was jamming out to “Real American” or imagining wearing spiked shoulder pads when the words “Oh, What a Rush” opened a particular number. WWE began to corner this market in November of 1998 with the release of WWF the Music Vol. 3. While only the most popular entrance themes made the cut, I was a junkie, and I wanted them all.

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Enter Scimitar Entertainment’s “Slammin’ Wrestling Hits” released in January of 1999. I saw this gem at a Strawberries Music & Video store and it had most of the songs that were on the aforementioned WWF release with four big exceptions. WCW’s themes of Ric Flair, Lex Luger, Bill Goldberg, and one of my all-time favorites, the nWo theme. I was happier than a kid on Christmas, ran home as fast as I could, popped in the CD, sat back, relaxed and got ready for the unadulterated bliss of wrestling theme music.

Much to my surprise and sheer disappointment, there were no actual entrance themes on this CD. The best way to describe these abominations is to say that they are pathetic imitations that were puked up by a band who knew better than to use their real name and went with the pseudonym “Beast Wrestling Foundation.” 

I furiously scanned all fifteen tracks, over and over again, hoping that this was all some cruel joke and that the real songs would come on at any moment. Sadly, they never came to pass. The original WrestleMania video game for Nintendo belted out better music than these soul-less mock ups.

I had learned my lesson and I would never make this mistake again.

WOW

That is, until I purchased “World of Wrestling – Wow Magazine Entrance Themes” a year later. I thought there was no way these could be fake wrestling themes.

After all, it was released by World of Wrestling which was a glossy full color wrestling magazine that was the first to be marketed towards internet wrestling fans as opposed to covering the business as a shoot like Pro Wrestling Illustrated does.

Guess what? I was dead wrong. There was no genuine music, just an audible plague of generic reproductions. I felt bamboozled and it cost WOW Magazine a loyal customer. Most people would have learned their lesson after these two experiences.

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Clearly, I’m not most people.

Yes, I did it again. There was no rationale or thought that went into this purchase, there was only hope. Hope that the wrestling gods would reward me for the struggle of my wrestling music crusade. The album was filled with more of the same generic mess along with dreadful covers of classic songs such as “Welcome to the Jungle.”

1998 – 2001, otherwise known as the Attitude Era, was the most popular and profitable period in modern professional wrestling. Everyone wanted in on the action, including the hacks that made these musical atrocities. Today, WWE releases all of their entrance music on iTunes along with past albums and WCW themes as well. Purchasing these albums was equivalent to believing that Lucy wouldn’t pull the football away before Charlie Brown could kick it.

Oh boy, what a blockhead.

This blog was inspired by a video of the same subject that was produced by Brian Zane, which can be found on his popular YouTube channel, Wrestling With Wregret

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